a shattered conscious staring right back at me

i just went for a class barbeque. 3/4 of the class went. it was weird because the weather kept changing. it was raining, then it was really sunny, then parts of the park were sunny and parts of the park was crazy with rain. it was a bit insane.

still, even though there were only 3 girls, it was fun. besides being scared to death thanks to a giantass bat and having my notebook being battered again, i would totally do it again.

there were like, half cooked chicken wings and bacon; too many photos taken (i will upload some tomorrow), too many swears being spread around, a lot of laughs, dancing and korean music.

teehee. i look like a retard in those pictures. weeee.

i'm going out for a film photoshoot tomorrow. i think.

and i stupidly got myself to attend some extremely distant relative of mine's wedding.

she's my dad's sister's daughter. my cousin?! again?! (another cousin just got married previously) i think it's a big event though, when i realised what i agreed to because i just woke up, my mum told me it was too late because seats are limited and it was only five minutes and my dad already called my aunt.

or, my mum just sabotaged me to tag along with her.

i do not like fake smiling at distant relatives and then they go,"oh, your daughter?"

"the last time i've seen her, she was a baby!" maybe, they lied, i bet they never ever seen me before. or,"oh my! she grown so tall!" geez, it makes me feel like i grown a bit but i haven't.

"she looks a lot like you/your husband!"

apparently, you can see my distinct dislike with attempted connections with distant relatives.

did that sound too complicated for you? oh, i just don't like to go for family gatherings?!

i feel too young. i was born twenty/ten years too late with my cousins.

if only i was born in 1983, i'll be 29, already influenced from the 80s and 90s and getting wed to some guy. then my almost same age (bloody distant) cousins can come to my wedding.

and not when i'm 25 and they're 41 or 51. or 62.

i'm not even sure whether i'll get married at 25.

IT DOES NOT HELP THAT MY OTHER COUSIN'S CHILDREN ARE AROUND MY AGE AND THAT THEY THINK THAT THEY'RE SO COOL THEY IGNORE MY EXISTENCE.

maan. and i thought i could finally have some awesome teenage relatives. :(

oh, they're probably too rich, they looked rich.

oh shit, i just talked a whole lot of shit.