i don't want to follow death and all his friends

hey guys, it's another moody rant and this time, it may be a little offensive.
um, so yeah. it's pretty long and doesn't make a bit of sense but it's just what's been on my mind. happy reading? hah. hah.

i was thinking about relationships today. and i don't know, i think today i really made the decision of not ever getting into a relationship. yet.
though everyone wants to and i wanted to previously but i've thought about it long and hard, i don't think i ever want to anymore. and yes, even though i may crush on guys because i'm a girl but i don't think i ever want to be in a relationship.

you know, getting into a relationship is like getting into a search of finding the one. the one who'll get it why you're sad or why you're mad or why you're just crazy over little things. the one is the one you want to see when you open your eyes every morning, the one who will be there when you had the best day of your life or your very worst and the one is the one who you will have your kids with and grow old with and yeah. the one is your soulmate and he or she is out in this world and you wouldn't know who he or she is till that very day, you realise he or she is the elusive one. heck, he or she could be your neighbour, your classmate, the noisy guy who lives below you because he plays halo on his computer all day or the really mysterious girl in school who garners everyone's attention by the way she acts. you could have met him or her in the street and wouldn't have known. you wouldn't have known that she or he listens to michael buble or loves watching the star wars trilogy or likes singing at random like you do. you wouldn't have known.

now, that idea sounds really awesome doesn't it? yeah, me too. me too.
i don't know, the reality of it all is sinking into me and it's true you know, we are way too young to look for the one. and yeah, some people get real lucky and already have met the one but they wouldn't know. i know, you're feeling damn stubborn and thinking,"chey only, you don't get it. i like him or her and yeah, i am not too young okay." okay, up to you, it's really my opinion. it's my blog lol.

i once read this on a table in school. it wrote,"don't fall in love, it's better if you jump off a bridge." and i guess it's true, when you go through hardship and breakups, your heart breaks a million times. when the one you like or the one you deem you 'love' rejects you, your heart shatters and all you kinda lose the meaning to live. hi, i would like to say this. you were not born for this person, you are not living for this one girl or guy and i don't care what that secondhand serenade song says, you were not born to tell him or her that you love her or him. okay?

stop looking for somebody to love. don't be like bieber and make a song out of it. even if it's a nice song. he's too young, you are too young. and i sound like i know it and crap, but it's my blog, freedom of speech yo. you don't want to end up liking somebody and then your grades fall because you cannot concentrate. don't be like me. and if you can concentrate, well, kudos to you. stop searching for somebody to love.

it's not worth it right now. don't be like those people who killed themselves because they felt they lost all meaning to live just because they broke up with the people they loved. it's hard and all, but it just isn't worth it.

i've been thinking. i don't want to bare my vulnerability to any guy because i like him and only to get hurt time and time again. i don't want to keep on trying and believing even though i know one day i'll meet this guy. but it's not time, being a teenager is the prime of your life. falling in love may be part of the process as a teen but it's not the entire thing. i've seen so many people looking for love and they're still on that search but please, stop looking for love.

look at the people who already love you. your parents. your siblings. your friends. but you can tell me,"it's not the same."
yeah, it may feel like it isn't the same because you are telling yourself it's not the same. these people may not be the ones who you want to hug because you had a bad day or the ones you want to be there for you when you need somebody to talk to. you don't trust them well enough or they just don't get you. that's what you tell yourself but have you really given them the chance? okay, let's say you did and it failed. sorry, but it doesn't really give you the opportunity to look for somebody to love. ask yourself this question.

why do you need that special somebody?
is it because you envy couples? is it because you want to hold somebody's hand and talk about anything with them?

i don't know but i believe God is doing something in my heart because right now, i couldn't really bother about all these. and this is coming from somebody who has constant thoughts about finding the one. i'm serious.
gosh, i'm sounding a lot different from before. yes, i may still be an emotional monster and be scaring the shit out of people with my antisocial-ness and my issues but i don't need a guy. gosh. yeah, i may have like a gazillion thoughts how this guy could be and all and read and see all these amazing love stories but it's all in God's hands. and He knows and i knows, i'm clearly not ready for it. and i don't want to waste my last four years as a teenager searching for that one guy even though it gets really annoying when i see couples hahahha.

and maybe it's because of what happened in the past but i don't want to end up being hurt because these two years are my super crucial years and yeah. this is my opinion. yup.

gosh, i write so long alamak hahaha.