a shattered conscious staring right back at me

i just went for a class barbeque. 3/4 of the class went. it was weird because the weather kept changing. it was raining, then it was really sunny, then parts of the park were sunny and parts of the park was crazy with rain. it was a bit insane.

still, even though there were only 3 girls, it was fun. besides being scared to death thanks to a giantass bat and having my notebook being battered again, i would totally do it again.

there were like, half cooked chicken wings and bacon; too many photos taken (i will upload some tomorrow), too many swears being spread around, a lot of laughs, dancing and korean music.

teehee. i look like a retard in those pictures. weeee.

i'm going out for a film photoshoot tomorrow. i think.

and i stupidly got myself to attend some extremely distant relative of mine's wedding.

she's my dad's sister's daughter. my cousin?! again?! (another cousin just got married previously) i think it's a big event though, when i realised what i agreed to because i just woke up, my mum told me it was too late because seats are limited and it was only five minutes and my dad already called my aunt.

or, my mum just sabotaged me to tag along with her.

i do not like fake smiling at distant relatives and then they go,"oh, your daughter?"

"the last time i've seen her, she was a baby!" maybe, they lied, i bet they never ever seen me before. or,"oh my! she grown so tall!" geez, it makes me feel like i grown a bit but i haven't.

"she looks a lot like you/your husband!"

apparently, you can see my distinct dislike with attempted connections with distant relatives.

did that sound too complicated for you? oh, i just don't like to go for family gatherings?!

i feel too young. i was born twenty/ten years too late with my cousins.

if only i was born in 1983, i'll be 29, already influenced from the 80s and 90s and getting wed to some guy. then my almost same age (bloody distant) cousins can come to my wedding.

and not when i'm 25 and they're 41 or 51. or 62.

i'm not even sure whether i'll get married at 25.

IT DOES NOT HELP THAT MY OTHER COUSIN'S CHILDREN ARE AROUND MY AGE AND THAT THEY THINK THAT THEY'RE SO COOL THEY IGNORE MY EXISTENCE.

maan. and i thought i could finally have some awesome teenage relatives. :(

oh, they're probably too rich, they looked rich.

oh shit, i just talked a whole lot of shit.

love is a serial killer that you cannot charge in court.

ah, hi.

been awhile since i've actually written anything on this now grey space.

it's been a week since the holidays and all i've done is stay on the computer.

like a leech. sucking out blood. but it's the complete opposite, the computer is sucking me out.

like a soul sucker, you know?

ah, so i found the wonders of the sims 2.

then i found the wonders of cheap downloadable games. woooo.

they're really fun, i swear. :D

today's the streaming results. well, in a few hours from now since its 2:53am.

i'm not sure where i'm gonna go, but i guess i'll just go with the flow.

hey, that rhymes!

my mum bought me a new earpiece today.

i didn't realise it looked odd. hmm.

it looks like a failed design of an earpiece that managed to be produced and sold round the world.

but it sounds good. yeaah.

there ain't no one.

hi, i went to malaysia today. it was a quick and simple trip.

i feel as if my photostream nowadays are getting a lot more mundane.

it was bad traffic.

sometimes, i really wish we were in new york.

and now, the attack of lightstream photography in a carpark.

i really like the decorations.

she looks so evil here. D:

bulletproof.

i think i'm nocturnal.

i think the more proper word is insomniac.

i still need to wash my dishes. hurrhh.

one two three four five six nine and ten,

money can't buy you back the love that you had then.

p.s. why does everyone think my sister is my mum?

my sister is going to feel like she's turning old. 0:

oh well.

my friends says i'm too nice.

is it true?

even though i'm no longer close to some of my friends and we don't talk to each other like we used to, it's as if i'm invisible in their world, like a ghost. but i still give them birthday cards and say hello now and then.

am i too nice?

or is it just basic courtesy?

okay, i'm shrugging to myself now.

i kind of realised something by myself and i'm not as shocked as i thought i would be.